Goblin in my head…

A goblin in my head

A while ago, I wrote a post about writing and depression. This was a hard post to write, but one that got a lot of comments.

A few days ago, I was talking with my kids about depression. They know that I’ve been diagnosed with it, and their comment was “But Mummy, you’re not sad all the time.” This led to a discussion about depression and what I experience.

I explained to the boys that for me, depression isn’t being sad all the time. It’s more like having a voice in my head that tells me that I’m not good enough, that I can’t write, that I can’t do my job very well, that I’m a bad Mum and that my kids are better off without me.

The boys replied that I’m an awesome writer and to hurry up and finish my books, that I’m a great Mum and that they need me. I then explained that I know that, but the voice in my head won’t let me hear the the good things, just the bad things. The medication that I’m taking helps keep the voices quiet, or at least quieter, and that seeing my doctor also helps me to tell the voices to shut up.

We decided that the voices were like an ugly goblin rather than a black dog. After all, black dogs are cute and they can’t talk (their reasoning).

I was worried about my October manuscript for 12×12 in 12 as I hadn’t written anything. Following on from this conversation, I started writing a picture book called “There’s a Goblin in Mummy’s Head”. The boys read it and loved it. It still needs work, but it’s getting there.

I’m still on track with my 12×12 challenge, and have another great manuscript to work on and get up to scratch to send to a publisher.

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Comments

  1. I’ve struggled with that wretched goblin, too, and I hear you. I am so grateful that your boys helped you to see a way to use your experience to form a picture book manuscript. More people need to understand that chronic depression doesn’t mean “being sad all the time.” Thank you!

    • Thanks Beth 🙂 I know when I first had depression, I denied it because I wasn’t sad at all, just not happy and feeling like a failure.

  2. I’ve done that dance as well, years ago and I’ve always said it’s like living with diabetes…your body is missing an important chemical and the medicines help replace it while the doctors help you deal with the symptoms. Diabetics wouldn’t go without THEIR medicine so why should people struggling with depression? Hang in there, Melissa…you are actually doing better than I am with the 12 X 12 challenge…;~)

    Donna L Martin
    http://www.donnalmartin.com
    http://www.donasdays.blogspot.com

  3. I love the concept and title of your book. What an excellent way for a parent to explain her illness to her children. It looks like you’ve already succeeded in explaining it to yours. :)( You may want to have an endocronologist or hormone specialist check your hormone balance.) Lots of love and hugs to you Melissa.

  4. Accept a big hug from me, and get that book published!

  5. It’s great that you were able to have that discussion with your kids and it’s a great PB idea for helping others to do the same with their children in terms children will understand. I suffer from depression, too, though my children are too young at the moment to understand. I could see a book like this being very helpful in the future.

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